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Chapter 4: Fluctuation recognition of existence

A character called MAL created with the idea that if you make a living in photography, you have to take pictures that are against your will. However, looking back, all the pictures I took there are my very existence. Through those photographs (mediums) taken while shaving the soul, such as magazine covers and advertisements, the enormous strokes (existence recognition) received from many people who would not have been able to obtain in normal life Is still grateful from the bottom of my heart. However, in the changing circumstances, the action I chose was to retire from the industry ... rather than stop the photographer itself. I chose to face my existence again at an unprecedented level by scraping off most of the achievements, personal connections, things and pride, camera equipment, and finally from long hair to shaved head, except for life. However, what I felt there, who should have learned psychology and had some knowledge of the mind, was an unbearable sense of loss far beyond imagination. Who am I who didn't release the shutter and stopped expressing? If I do what I don't like to live, my heart and my existence will be close to death. I'm alive, but I'm not alive. I'm here, but I'm not here ... If I hadn't had seven years of deeply facing myself, including three years when I hadn't touched the camera at all, I wouldn't have taken a portrait here again. I think it was.

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